He's Gon
by HiatusxHiatus
Summary: Gon finally learns to text, but after a brief conversation Killua learns he's been kidnapped. It'll take the whole gang to figure out what the crazy kid has gotten himself into! (Most will be written in text message form. Eventual KilluaxGon fluff.)
1. I got kidnapped! :D

A/N: This is mostly meant to be funny so don't take it too seriously haha.

Also, it's taking place after ep 148 and I'm kind of ignoring the manga after that since the DC isn't (and may never be :( ) finished. So, if you haven't seen up to 148, SPOILER WARNINGS!

* * *

Gon: killuaaaaaa

Killua: Who is this?

Gon: gon!

Killua: Oh hey Gon! I didn't know you could text from your phone!

Gon: neither did i

Gon: ging told me how

Killua: Hm… Still with Ging, huh?

Gon: no

Gon: i just figured out what he meant

Gon: i haven't seen him

Gon: he left again

Killua: …..

Gon: it's okay, though i'm sure i'll find him again

Killua: First of all, use proper grammar.

Gon: grammar

Killua: Like capital letters, periods, and commas.

Gon: Okay! Like this! :D

Killua: …Close enough.

Killua: Second, how are you?

Gon: I don't have any Nen! :D

Killua: Training that hard, huh?

Gon: No! I really don't have any left after fighting Pitou! :D

Killua: WHAT?! YOU CAN'T USE NEN? AT ALL?

Gon: Nope! :D

Killua: QUIT MAKING THAT SMILING FACE, GON! YOU CAN'T BE PLANNING TO FIND HIM WITH NO NEN! YOU'LL DIE!

Gon: But I like smiley faces!

Gon: And it's okay, I'm sure I can still find him without Nen!

Killua: Gon! Don't even think about it!

Gon: But Killua

Gon: Ging thinks I can do it!

Killua: GING LEFT PEOPLE TO KILL YOU WHEN YOU WERE TWELVE!

Gon: That's because he cares about me!

Killua: I guess I have no choice. You'll have to join me and Alluka.

Gon: Uh

Gon: I can't

Gon: I'm busy

Killua: With what?!

Gon: Heehee…

Gon: :D

Killua: What the hell are you doing?

Gon: I got kidnapped! :D

Killua: WHY DIDN'T YOU START WITH THAT? WHO WAS IT? WHERE ARE YOU? DO YOU NEED HELP?

Gon: Ah, sorry Killua! No phones allowed anymore! Bye! :D

Killua: GON!

Killua: GON!

Killua: ANSWER ME GODDAMMIT!

Gon: Hi Killua!

Killua: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Gon: If you use Alluka to find me, I'll be in trouble.

Gon: Bye!

Killua: GOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Phone: Your messages to Idiot Spiky Head BF could not be delivered. Please check the number and try again.

* * *

Killua: "Dammit! What does he mean I can't use Alluka? What'll happen if I do?"

Alluka: "What's wrong, big brother? Do you need Nanika's help?"

Killua: "…I can't. I don't know what's going on. It might be dangerous."

Alluka: "Okay… What are you going to do?"

Killua: "It's been a while since I've contacted the rest of the gang. I'll start there."


	2. Gon Is Dead

Killua: Kurapika, it's Killua.

Killua: You haven't been answering any of my messages.

Killua: Even when Gon was hurt you still never answered.

Killua: ….

Killua: Gon's been kidnapped and he doesn't have any Nen.

Killua: …

Killua: Text me back when you feel like actually being a friend.

* * *

Killua: It's Killua. What are you doing?

Leorio: Studying, eating, watching TV and jer

Leorio: I accidentally pressed send just forget the last thing

Leorio: What's up?

Killua: Gon's been kidnapped and I need your help.

Leorio: WHAT? WE JUST SAVED HIM!

Killua: Typing in capitals won't get us anywhere.

Leorio: WHERE THE HELL IS THAT BASTARD GING?! HOW COULD HE LET GON GET INTO TROUBLE AGAIN?!

Leorio: FDGKJFDGJOAJAWEORK

Killua: Leorio, SHUT THE HELL UP! We need to figure out who did it.

Leorio: You healed him somehow, don't you have a way to find out?

Killua: I can't use that anymore. We need to put our heads together and figure this out.

Leorio: Okay, I'll try texting Kurapika.

Killua: I don't think it'll work. I already tried.

Leorio: I CAN HANDLE IT! YOU JUST TEXT KAITO!

* * *

Killua: Kaito, Gon's been kidnapped.

Killua: We need your help.

Killua: Do you have any idea what happened after Ging left?

Killua: Answer me, dammit.

Kaito: Ging's number is 1-800-Best Dad Ever.

Killua: Not funny. I really need your help.

Kaito: I don't think it's funny either but that's really his number. He had it changed after the election so Gon wouldn't be able to call him.

Killua: I'll try it. Are you going to help us?

Kaito: Busy.

Kaito: Text later.

Kaito: Bye.

Killua: What the hell? Gon risked everything for you and now that he's in trouble you're 'busy'?

Killua: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

* * *

**Meanwhile—**

Leorio: KURAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPIIKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAA!

Leorio: GON'S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE PHANTOM TROUPE!

Kurapika: The Phantom Troupe? Where are you right now?

Leorio: SO YOU HAVE BEEN GETTING MY MESSAGES!

Leorio: I ONLY SENT TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FOUR. IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU'D DIED. YOU BASTARD!

Kurapika: We don't have time, Leorio. If Gon's been kidnapped by the Troupe and they haven't contacted me yet, every second counts.

Leorio: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Kurapika: Think, Leorio! If they don't want to use him as a bargaining chip, why would they kidnap one of my friends? I don't think it's to play rock paper scissors.

Leorio: True enough. OKAY! Do you know where they are?

Kurapika: No but we'll rendezvous with Killua and figure it out.

Kurapika: Let's meet in Yorknew city, since that's where we last saw them. I heard they were in Meteor City for a bit, so we'll head there.

Leorio: Fine. I'll text Killua. See you there.

Leorio: Bastard.

* * *

Killua: Is this Ging?

Ging: No.

Killua: Fine.

**5 Minutes Later**

Ging: What would you say if it was Ging?

Ging: Just out of curiosity.

Killua: Gon's dead.

Ging: No.

**5 more minutes pass**

Ging: ….Is Gon really dead?

Ging: Hello?

Ging: HELLO?

Ging: Killua I know it's you, Gon gave me your number.

Ging: He wouldn't die, anyway. He's my son.

Ging: He didn't have any Nen when I left though….

Ging: Don't tell me he's really dead.

Ging: That brat wouldn't dare die after everything he went through to find me. He'd keep looking.

Ging: …Why can't I reach his phone?

Killua: Gon. Is. Dead.

* * *

Leorio: Killua, I got a hold of Kurapika. He wants us to meet up in Yorknew city. I told him it was the Troupe that kidnapped Gon.

Killua: Good enough start. I texted Ging and I think I can get him to meet us.

Leorio: Good. I feel like punching the asshole in the face again.

* * *

Ging: Tell me what happened.

Killua: Meet me in Yorknew city tomorrow or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Ging: I don't have time!

Killua: See you there.

Ging: Fuck.

* * *

Illumi: Kil, I heard your friend is gone.

Illumi: Why won't you ever answer me?

Illumi: And here I was, ready to tell you everything.

Killua: What do you know?

Illumi: Gon, was it?

Killua: What about him?

Illumi: I heard Gon is gone. Ah! It's kind of funny, isn't it?

Killua: …

Illumi: Well, anyway. Don't bother looking for him.

Killua: What do you mean?

Illumi: Just what I said. If you look for him, you'll regret it.

Killua: What. Did. You. Do.?

Illumi: I did nothing. You did, though. It's your fault he's going to wind up dead, Kil.

Killua: WHERE IS HE?

Illumi: If you and Alluka join me, maybe he'll be okay.

Killua: YOU TOOK HIM? I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU I'LL KILL YOU I'LL KILL YOU

Illumi: Don't fight an opponent you can't beat, Kil. We'll talk again. Bye.

Killua: WHERE'S GON?

* * *

?: Hello, Killua~

Killua: Who is this?

?: If you ever want to see Gon again, you'll do what I say~


	3. Creepy Ass Pedophile Clown

Killua: WHO IS THIS?

?: A friend. I don't want to see Gon get hurt~

Killua: How did you get this number?

?: The butler… I can't remember his name… He had glasses. He gave it to me~

Killua: Do you have Gon?

?: Gon. Gon~

Killua: DO YOU HAVE HIM?

?: I'd love to 'have' him~

Killua: ….ohgodno

?: My, my. Seems we finally figured something out, have we?

Killua: Hisoka.

Hisoka: Bing-bong. Correct~

Phone: Thank you for changing your contact information! ? will now be known as Creepy Ass Pedophile Clown.

Hisoka: You weren't just changing my contact information, were you~?

Killua: No.

Hisoka: Well, you should. I've changed yours to 'Illumi's Adorable Younger Brother.'

Killua: *shudders*

Killua: None of that matters now.

Killua: Do you or don't you know where Gon is?

Hisoka: I'll see you in Yorknew city~ Illumi is really excited too~!

Killua: Don't you dare!

* * *

?: KIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Killua: …Leorio?

?: It's Gon!

Killua: GON? WHERE ARE YOU?

Gon: Um

Gon: Uh

Gon: I don't know! :D

Killua: TELL ME EVERYTHING! AND WHERE'S YOUR PHONE?

Gon: Hm…..

Killua: GON?

Gon: Um… you'll probably be mad, haha :P

Killua: IT DOESN'T MATTER! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

Gon: I'm fine, I guess :P

Gon: I just got trapped in this dark cave thingy!

Gon: And it's kind of stuffy :(

Killua: Any helpful info?

Killua: Smells?

Killua: Animals?

Killua: Sounds?

Gon: Hm… it's stinky! I don't know, it's getting hard to breathe!

Gon: :(

Killua: Stinky? Like what kind of stinky?

Gon: I'm sleepy! I think I'll take a nap and text you when I wake up!

Killua: GON, NO!

Killua: DON'T SLEEP!

Killua: LACK OF OXYGEN

Killua: YOU COULD DIE

Killua: DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS, GON

Killua: DON'T YOU DARE FALL ASLEEP

Killua: GON, DO YOU HEAR ME?

Killua: SAY SOMETHING!

Killua: PLEASE

Killua: please say something gon please text me back please

Killua: gon

* * *

Alluka: hi

Alluka: hello

Alluka: killua's sad

Alluka: cheer killua up!

Alluka: you won't

Alluka: you won't cheer up killua?

Milluki: Alluka, when did you get a cellphone?

Alluka: you won't cheer killua up?

Milluki: I GOT IT! I'LL CHEER HIM UP!

Alluka: yay :)

* * *

Milluki: Killua? Cheer up right now!

Milluki: I don't know how Alluka got a hold of the phone but if I don't cheer you up you'll probably die.

Killua: That's Nanika.

Milluki: Why are you sad?

Killua: Why do you care?

Milluki: I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

Killua: help

Milluki: ….

Milluki: Yeah, fine.

Milluki: What do you want?

Killua: gon

Milluki: I CAN'T HELP YOU WITH THAT, IDIOT!

Killua: i think he's dead

Milluki: Give me a minute.

Milluki: ….

Milluki: ….

Milluki: ….

Milluki: He's alive.

Killua: how do you know

Milluki: I'm a goddamn hacker, this is nothing. I've found a way to monitor your text messages. I just traced the last text you got back to the phone. It's registered to a Pariston Hill.

Killua: how does that mean he's alive

Milluki: I've invented something, you probably won't understand how it works, that can measure heat signatures around the phone.

Milluki: Your friend is unconscious, maybe sleeping, but he's not dead.

Killua: Where is he?

Milluki: Are you cheered up?

Killua: I was never sad.

Milluki: Good, then if you want that information, I want something in return.

Milluki: Get Alluka to give me the newest cellphone there is.

Killua: It's Nanika. And I won't use her like that.

Milluki: Too bad. Your friend's heat signature is fading pretty quickly. If you don't get there in time, it'll be all gone.

Killua: Tell me or I'll get Nanika to transport me to the house so I can rip your eyes out and shove them down your throat so far that you'll be able to watch me tear out your guts.

Milluki: ….

Milluki: Meteor City. There's a cave near the entrance. He's pretty far into it.

Killua: If you're lying…

Milluki: I'M NOT!

* * *

Killua (group text to Kurapika, Kaito, Leorio, Ging): I know where he is.

Kurapika: The Troupe is mine.

Leorio: WHERE?!

Ging: what

Leorio: AND WHY IS GING IN ON THIS?

Kaito: Sorry, busy

Phone: Dead Guy Turned Girl has left the chat

Ging: oi

Phone: Creepy Ass Pedophile Clown has joined the chat.

Phone: Don't Answer It's The Human Pincushion has joined the chat.

Killua: How did you two even?

Illumi: Milluki

Killua: Goddamn it.

Kurapika: So where's the Troupe?

Ging: The Troupe killed Gon?

Leorio: GON'S DEAD?

Kurapika: THEY TOOK HIS LIFE AS WELL?!

Hisoka: I'm rather upset, actually. :(

Illumi: Kil, when are you coming back to see me? You can bring Alluka!

Kurapika: Where.

Leorio: WHERE?

Ging: meteor city

Ging: Who's Hisoka?

Phone: Red Eyed Revenge Freak has left the chat.

Phone: Weak Doctor Wannabe has left the chat.

Hisoka: I'm a friend of Gon's~ We were going to have so much fun together~

Ging: creepy vibes

Killua: IF YOU KNEW WHERE GON WAS THIS WHOLE TIME THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU GO AFTER HIM OR SOMETHING YOU BASTARD?!

Hisoka: But our relationship is a mutual feeling of lust~

Hisoka: Bloodlust, of course~

Ging: killua I knew where the Troupe was. Also, what kind of relationship does Hisoka have with my son?

Killua: Maybe if you were around more you'd know.

Killua: And he wouldn't have to put up with creepy pedophiles undressing him with their eyes all the time.

Phone: Me has left the chat.

Illumi: Bye Kil :(

Ging: PEDOPHILES?

Hisoka: Wrong~ I'm waiting for him to get older and stronger~

Ging: ?

Ging: ?

Ging: THEN WHAT?

Hisoka: Mm~ I'm getting turned on just thinking about it~

Phone: Creepy Ass Pedophile Clown has left the chat.

Illumi: Hi. So… I think we need to talk about the relationship between my brother and your son.

Ging: wtf have I missed in my kid's life


	4. Whose blood is all this?

Killua: im on my way to meteor city. its hard to use godspeed carry alluka and text

Leorio: Gon's not really dead, right, Killua?

Killua: he will be if we dont get there in time

Leorio: You'll be there first.

Leorio: Killua…

Leorio: Please save him.

Killua: i will

* * *

**Meanwhile, Ging and Illumi are still in the chat room—**

Ging: on my way to meteor city. you?

Illumi: Already there. If I get Gon, I can use him to get to Alluka and Kil.

Ging: I don't see how you can use a body

Illumi: Oh, right. He's not dead, you know. Dying, but not dead.

Ging: what? Damn, no point in going then. He'll be fine.

Phone: Gon's Asshole Old Man has left the chat.

Phone: Gon Using Pariston's Phone has joined the chat.

Gon: WOAH! I'M NOT DEAD!

Illumi: Ah! So it seems. Morning.

Gon: Ugh.

Illumi: So cruel…

Gon: I read the entire history of this chat, Illumi.

Gon: I'll never let you use me against Killua!

Illumi: Really? Are you going to kill yourself?

Gon: No!

Illumi: Then what will you do?

Gon: Um… Idk :(

Illumi: By the way, I'm slightly curious as to what happened.

Gon: Oh! I was kidnapped by one of the middle aged women who I went out with once.

Gon: She acted nice enough and made me take her on another date.

Gon: Then she told me she'd never let me go. :(

Gon: I told her I already love someone!

Gon: But she hit me on the head and threw me in the garbage dump. :P

Illumi: Who goes on a date in Meteor City?

Gon: I don't see a problem! I was there anyway!

Illumi: Why?

Gon: …Secret.

Illumi: Why?

Gon: SECRET! I'LL NEVER TELL SOMEONE LIKE YOU!

Illumi: Because you wanted to ask the Troupe how Chrollo was getting his Nen back, right?

Gon: Eh? How'd you know?

Illumi: I was watching you.

Gon: Ehhhh?

Illumi: I'm watching you right now.

Gon: EHHHHHHHH? O.O

Illumi: Turn around.

Phone: Don't Answer It's The Human Pincushion has left the chat.

Phone: Gon Using Pariston's Phone has left the chat.

* * *

Killua: Kurapika, calm down. I'm in Meteor City now. Where are you?

Kurapika: They KILLED GON. How can you stay so calm, Killua?! If I'm seething in rage, you should be all the more angry!

Killua: Gon isn't dead.

Kurapika: What do you mean?

Killua: I lied to Ging to get him to help us.

Kurapika: Oh. Thank goodness. But still… it doesn't change the fact that the Troupe has him.

Killua: Don't be mad… But they don't have him.

Kurapika: WHAT?

* * *

Killua's thumbs hovered over the keys of his phone, his mouth hanging ajar. Because he'd finally gotten to the cave, finally gotten to the place where Gon was supposed to be. Instead, however, Illumi was there. Illumi was on the ground, unconscious, bleeding from a wound on his head. And the rest of the cave was spattered in crimson.

His hands shook as he entered the group text again, skimming over the conversation. Gon was texting Illumi? But… it didn't make sense! What Gon had said didn't add up! Why would he not be able to use Alluka if it was only a woman he'd dated? Killua's eyebrows drew up in concern as he looked around the room. Alluka slid off his back with a small thump.

"Big brother, Illumi's not bleeding very badly. Whose blood is all this?"

Killua blinked, digging his nails into his palms. If Gon had managed to knock out Illumi… But Gon had no Nen… Unless…?

* * *

Killua: tell me about nen restrictions

Kurapika: TELL ME ABOUT THE TROUPE!

Killua: shut the fuck up

Killua: if you use a restriction once can you place an even worse restriction on yourself?

Kurapika: Theoretically, I suppose it's possible…

Killua: could you give your own life to gain nen for a brief period of time?

Kurapika: A resolve that strong would earn you more than a simple gain of Nen for a brief period of time.

Killua: what if you used it to accelerate your training twenty years and gain all of that nen

Kurapika: He didn't… Not again…

Killua: illumi's hurt and i don't know where gon is

* * *

Killua marched slowly down the tunnel, following the smears of blood along the wall. There were fibers from some sort of clothes, but it was impossible to tell whether or not they were Gon's. His hand tightened around Alluka's as he wondered whether or not it was worth it to keep looking. Because maybe he wouldn't like what he found.

"Oh my."

He turned, immediately shoving Alluka behind his back, to face Hisoka. Hisoka was grinning, flipping the Jack around and around on his fingers.

"What do you want, Hisoka?"

"I thought I'd come and rescue my plaything from your older brother, but it seems he was never even here."

Killua blinked in confusion, though he still held his guarded position in front of Alluka.

"What do you mean?"

Hisoka laughed low and throaty, trying to peer around Killua to see Alluka. He brought his hands to his face and laughed even more at Killua's small resistance, peering through the cracks in his fingers.

"This Nen… It's Illumi's for sure. But the other one, and the blood… It isn't Gon's. Nothing is here to suggest Gon even came to Meteor City. I'd feel it if he was here. So~rry~"

Killua took a couple of steps back, then slung Alluka up onto his back and used Godspeed to leave as quick as he could.

What did Hisoka mean by saying that Gon wasn't even there? If he wasn't there… if he'd never been there… then where the hell was he? And whose blood had been smeared along the walls?

* * *

Yay! Thank you so much for the support! :D

Ging: I thought... but he never mentioned... I... *devastated in a corner*


	5. OI RAT!

Kurapika: Killua? I'm in Meteor City.

Kurapika: Where are you?

Kurapika: I just saw Hisoka. What's going on?

Kurapika: Well, the Troupe isn't here, anyway. I'll help you find Gon. I'm looking in the tunnels in case he's hurt.

Kurapika: Killua?

* * *

Leorio: I FINALLY MADE IT!

Leorio: KURAPIKA TOLD ME EVERYTHING!

Leorio: Dammit, why won't you answer us? I've learned a few things about medical Nen. If you find Gon, I might be able to help.

Leorio: We're his friends, too.

Leorio: Killua…

* * *

Kaito: Your brother is a lot stronger than I thought…

Killua: Kaito, you…?

Kaito: I knew he wanted to use Gon so I stole Gon's phones. Gon was never kidnapped.

Killua: ALL THIS TIME IT WAS YOU?

Kaito: Of course. Do you really think Gon would figure out how to text with just a few words from Ging? I just used Nen to make myself look like him.

Kaito: Good thing your brother doesn't know Gon's Nen very well…

Killua: So… He's fine? It was all just a setup to get Illumi?

Kaito: Yep. I showed him how strong I was and told him I'd kill him if he went near Gon.

Kaito: I would've killed him anyway but he injured me pretty badly.

Kaito: Your family is full of monsters. I should punch Gon in the face again next time for messing with a nest of monsters again.

Killua: Thank goodness…

Killua: I'll text the others and let them know.

Kaito: There's another problem I haven't had time to address.

Killua: What do you mean?

Kaito: Why did Gon have Pariston's phone on him?

Killua: !

Kaito: At first I thought he had two phones for no apparent reason, but the second one is registered to Pariston.

Kaito: Pariston is a rat. And an enemy of Ging's.

Kaito: I'm worried.

Killua: Okay. Me and Alluka will investigate with Leorio and Kurapika.

Killua: But wow, you really thought ahead.

Kaito: Of course. If you'd used Alluka my cover would've been blown. I needed you to believe it so Illumi would.

Killua: Thanks.

Kaito: Debt for a debt, right? Now find him. Without his phone, there's no real way to track him. It could almost be as difficult as finding Ging.

* * *

Killua (group text with Leorio and Kurapika): Gon's fine.

Kurapika: You've found him?

Killua: No. But the whole thing was a ruse from Kaito to get to Illumi. Gon was never kidnapped and he never even went to Meteor City.

Leorio: AARGH KAITO! He could've at least mentioned it in an offhanded way or something.

Kurapika: Well, at least it's over now.

Killua: Not quite.

Kurapika: This doesn't sound good.

Leorio: What do you mean NOT QUITE?

Killua: Gon had Pariston's phone on him.

Kurapika: Pariston?

Leorio: AH! I HAVE HIS NUMBER HERE! JUST A SECOND!

* * *

Leorio: OI RAT!

Pariston: Good day to you! :)

Leorio: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH GON?

Pariston: What have I done? Why, I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean. :(

Leorio: WHY WAS ONE OF YOUR PHONES ON HIM?

Pariston: Oh, that. I was simply keeping track of him. Making sure he was okay. :)

Leorio: I don't trust you as far as I can spit.

Pariston: Speaking of Gon, the poor boy came to visit me yesterday. He was positively distraught. :(

Leorio: About what?

Pariston: Something about losing his phone so he couldn't contact Ging.

Leorio: Tch.

Pariston: It's alright, though, I told him where Ging could be found. And I gave him a new phone! Even taught him how to text. :)

Leorio: What the hell did you say to him you bastard?

Pariston: I told him Ging left to explore the 'outside world.'

Pariston: Don't worry, he'll have no problems getting there.

Leorio: HE CAN'T GO THERE WITH NO NEN!

Pariston: Oh my. He doesn't have any Nen? I didn't know that. How horrible. :(

Leorio: I'll kill you someday. But first, tell me what his number is.

Pariston: Why don't we play a game?

Leorio: Tell me where my friend is. Now.

Pariston: Only Ging can find him. If you get Ging to help you, you win! If not, you lose.

Pariston: Keep in mind that losing means certain death.

* * *

Leorio: Pariston sent Gon on a wild goose chase to the Dark Continent.

Kurapika: I've heard there are things stronger than Chimera Ants there.

Killua: He won't be there yet. He'll prepare first. And I'm sure he would've somehow let me know.

Leorio: You don't sound concerned at all!

Killua: I have a way to go to him. I just don't want to use it in case I… put a certain in trouble.

Kurapika: Okay. Well, let's all think, where would Gon go to prepare?

Killua: We don't need to think.

* * *

Killua: Palm?

Palm: Killua! It's nice to hear from you.

Palm: ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU SINCE THE ELECTION. OR FROM GON.

Killua: Gon may be in trouble right now, Palm. I need your help.

Palm: TROUBLE? TRRROUUUBLEEE? HE'S SITTING AT A TABLE TEXTING!

Killua: Texting? Who's he texting?

* * *

Killua stopped, looking up to see Leorio and Kurapika staring at him in surprise. He let his Nen fade, making his way up to them as Alluka laughed and played with his hair, her own rising a little from the electric charge.

"Killua! It's been a while."

Kurapika smiled and Leorio crossed his arms, trying obviously not to look happy. Now that they were together and they knew Gon wasn't in any immediate danger, the atmosphere was a hundred times less tense. It was more just the usual of Gon being an idiot than anything else.

"Yeah! Good to see you guys. Gon's fine, he's sitting at a table texting someone. I talked to Palm."

Kurapika raised a confused eyebrow and both Leorio and Killua sighed, Killua gesturing to a clear space on the ground where they could sit. They all sat and Killua began explaining everything that had happened since they'd been together in Yorknew city, from Greed Island to the Chimera Ants. Since Kurapika had only heard bits and pieces, he listened attentively, his eyes darkening, even flashing red, at certain parts. Just as Killua was about to explain what had happened with Meruem and Komugi, his phone buzzed.

* * *

?: Killua's number?

Killua: Yeah. Gon?

Gon: Yep!

Killua: Listen, Gon, don't even think about going to the Dark Continent.

Gon: I won't. I want to sleep with you first.

Killua: WHAT?

Gon: Sleep with you

Gon: Sleep with you?

Gon: Huh

Killua: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Gon: I want you to touch me

Gon: ?

Killua: STOP

Gon: I'm having problems with sex

Killua: STOP IT

Gon: Pariston told me I'd have problems with sex

Killua: ….

Gon: *Sex

Gon: *Sex

Gon: What's sex anyway?

Killua: PLEASE STOP GON

Gon: I'm sexy though

* * *

Kurapika and Leorio watched as Killua's face went from pale to red to completely tomato. It seemed like steam was coming out of his ears.

"Killua?"

Kurapika's voice was uncertain. A thing trickle of blood found its way out of Killua's nose and he fell back on the ground.

"Did he just pass out?"

Leorio frowned, leaning over to make sure Killua was okay as Kurapika picked up the phone. He read the messages, his eyes widening and a faint blush spreading across his face as he turned it off and set it down, drawing in a deep breath.

"Well… Gon certainly hasn't lost his forward nature."

* * *

**Meanwhile, on Whale Island—**

Gon frowned, looking up from his phone helplessly at his Aunt. She noticed his look and raised an eyebrow, wondering why he looked so hopelessly confused.

"Hey, hey, Aunt Mito."

She leaned over his shoulder, her mouth moving as she read his messages. Her face darkened as she leaned back and raised a finger, a second away from severely scolding Gon.

"What's Autocorrect? And why does Pariston's phone keep changing what I'm trying to say?"

* * *

Pariston=evil incarnate.


	6. I hate sex

Ging: Pariston just gave me your new number, Gon.

Ging: We need to talk.

Gon: Okay!

Ging: Did anyone ever do something strange to you?

Gon: No! I was just sleeping with all of my friends.

Gon: I was sleeping with them.

Gon: AHH! This is frustrating.

Gon: I hate sex.

Ging: …..

Ging: …

Ging: Where are you?

Gon: Whale Island! With Aunt Mito!

Gon: Aunt Mito is crying and telling me to stop texting.

Gon: But I want to sleep with all of my friends again so I have to text them and tell them.

Gon: Also, I lost my virginity to Hisoka.

* * *

Gon's frown grew deeper and he turned to his hand, who had given up trying to take his phone away and was now sitting there, wringing her hands as if unsure whether to laugh or be upset.

"Every time I try to say have fun, it says sleep with. When I say Autocorrect, it says sex. I don't understand becomes I want you to touch me. Not doing anything is sexy… And now I wanted to tell Ging I lost my Hunter's license and it says I lost my virginity to Hisoka!"

Mito looked up at Gon, shaking her head.

"Gon do you even know what you're saying to your friends and Ging?"

Gon frowned, tapping his chin thoughtfully. Of course he knew! He knew everyone thought he was simpleminded, but he'd spent a lot of time in the wild. He knew how things worked.

"Yeah! I know what sex is. I don't know why sleeping with someone is such a big deal, but I know what sex is."

Mito blinked in surprise, then a cloud of concern crossed her face as she wound her fingers together and leaned forward.

"Okay. What is it?"

Gon laughed, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"It's when the dominant one jumps on the other one's back and bites their neck! Then they just sit on them for a while. It's weird. I didn't know humans did that. It looks kinda painful."

There was no point trying to explain it to him. He would have too many questions. Mito opened her hand and held it out.

"But I need to talk to my friends!"

Mito's face grew stern and as stubborn as Gon's when he'd made up his mind. Gon sighed and handed it to her.

"Fine! I'll be back at supper. I'm going fishing!"

He laughed happily, grabbing the spare fishing rod he always kept and running out the door. Mito clutched his phone to her chest, watching him leave. How did a healthy teenage boy not know what sex was? She shook her head, letting out a small sigh as she flipped through his contacts.

* * *

Mito: Killua, this is Gon's aunt. He needs your help.

Killua: oh

Killua: with what

Mito: I can't tell you.

Killua: How do I even know this is Gon? He wouldn't say stuff like this!

Mito: I can't say anything…

Killua: Why?

Mito: Too much weirdness. Pariston.

Killua: I really don't understand. Is Gon on Whale Island?

Mito: Yes.

Killua: Wait… this could be a trap. Why doesn't Gon just call me instead of texting? Voices can be faked but only he can answer some questions.

Mito: Fishing. Calling option doesn't work.

Killua: Why won't you say anything useful?

Mito: AH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PARISTON CHANGED EVERYTHING AROUND WITH SEX! AND GON NEEDS YOUR HELP BECAUSE HE LOST HIS VIRGINTY TO HISOKA!

Killua: I'll be there now

* * *

Killua turned slowly. Kurapika and Leorio took a step back, swallowing. His aura was darker than they'd ever seen it, and his eyes looked worse than they had when he'd killed during the Hunter Exam.

"Nanika. Wake up."

"'Kay."

"Transport us to Whale Island."

"'Kay."

They blinked and Killua was gone.

* * *

Mito let out a shriek and dropped the phone as Killua opened the door with such force that the windows rattled.

"Where is he?"

Mito took one look at his eyes and knew nothing she could say would calm him down until he saw Gon again and Gon was able to reassure him that everything was alright. She pointed towards the forest out the window, sweat beading on her brow.

"Fishing. Probably in the largest lake in the middle of the forest."

"Fine. Nanika, wait here. If anyone tries to hurt you, transport to me."

"'Kay."

* * *

Gon hummed happily as he slowly moved his fishing rod, kicking his feet against the tree. He'd deal with the whole phone thing when he got back. For now, he was fishing! He hadn't fished in a while, so he'd almost forgotten how fun it was. Almost.

"Gon!"

He leapt up nimbly, balancing on the large tree branch with a grin; he recognized that voice. It was a voice he'd never, ever forget, no matter what.

"Killua! Did you come to play? Oh, well I guess I need to find my Hunter license first…"

Killua paid no attention. He leapt up the tree until he was face to face with Gon. Gon's mouth dropped open in surprise. He'd never seen Killua look so terrified and angry. But he was even more surprised when Killua dropped to his knees and pressed his forehead against the branch, his fists balled tight.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've been there. I didn't know you'd lost your Nen… and I was even stupid enough to think Hisoka would leave you alone if you had. I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I know you can never forgive me. I'll never forgive myself. I…"

Gon listened, his shoulders sinking more and more as he listened. His mind was racing so fast he thought his brain was going to break. What was Killua apologizing for? He was completely baffled.

"Um… um… What?"

"Huh?"

Killua stared up at Gon, his own face wrinkling in confusion.

"Didn't Hisoka…?"

"Uh… Um… What? Hisoka? I haven't seen him in a while."

Killua stood up, tilting his head and crossing his arms, the confused expression frozen on his face.

"Ah! Aunt Mito must've texted you, right? My phone writes weird things. Like what I said to you earlier! All that stuff about sleeping and touching and sex."

Gon laughed, shrugging.

"I don't know why it does that. That… Autocorrect thing. I don't know what it is. I know what sex is, but I don't know what Autocorrect is. Sorry! I should've sent an email instead, haha."

After every sentence, Killua's eye twitched. When Gon was finally finished talking, he closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, Gon knew what was coming and he instinctively braced himself.

"IDDDDIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Next thing he knew, he'd been hit so hard that the island seemed like a tiny speck way below him.


End file.
